A Dark Spring and a Cheesesteak Grill
June 2018 — first broadcast in months
If you joined the group that spring, you probably didn't know who I was. I said so: I'm the guy that created the group. I'm the KetoDick. I just haven't been around (live ISEN0955 [0:00]).
I'd been gone for months. Two or three, more or less (live ISEN0955 [2:34], [17:19]). That was a personal decision. This isn't something I do for money, and sometimes it's important to take time for yourself. I needed that for a while.
What the spring was
I'm not going to dress it up. I had a lot of life disruptions that spring, and I called it my dark period (live ISEN0955 [12:26], [41:27]). I said on air that if you or anyone you know is having mental health issues, reach out. Not because I can fix them. I've got some of my own. But it matters to have somebody to lean on, and I don't want anybody to feel like they've got no one. I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist, and I told you to get professional help. But if push came to shove and there was nobody else to call, message me. I wanted everybody to be okay.
What kept me tied to the group while I was gone was you. People kept sending private messages and tagging me in posts. While I was away I was at least deleting threads I thought would lead people astray and popping in on the most pressing questions when I could (live ISEN0955 [50:26]). The group had grown to well over 15,000 people (live ISEN0955 [36:12]). I joked that I couldn't remember all 17,000 of you, or maybe I'd just been punched in the face too many times (live ISEN0955 [41:03]).
Not sure what I wanted to be
Professionally, a lot was up in the air. I was trying to figure out what would make me happy as a career. I'd looked at working for other people, at new business opportunities, at venture capital, at working for the university (live ISEN0955 [34:09]).
And the thing I kept coming back to was this: KetoDick really does make me happy. Every time somebody gets out of a wheelchair, stands up, goes for a walk, plays with their kids, can breathe well, and sees me as part of how they got there. And it wasn't something I did for money (live ISEN0955 [2:34]).
The cheesesteak grill
Then one of my personal heroes, a chef who connected with the world through his shows, died that week. It hit me hard. I teared up on camera talking about it (live ISEN0955 [45:30]). What I loved about him was how he connected with people by sitting down at a table and sharing a meal. The kitchen table is the great leveler. We all have to come to eat. We all have to eat to live.
So I did something that wasn't on any roadmap I had. I took an incredibly low-paying short-order cook job in the back of a kitchen, cooking non-keto food, at a cheesesteak shop a friend of mine owns (live ISEN0955 [48:11]). To honor him. To serve other people. To do something that wouldn't benefit me at all.
There's nothing about short-order cooking that helps my résumé at 35. I'm more professionally competent than the back of a kitchen needs. I did it anyway, because it's hard, because it was new, and because there's an infinite capacity to do it better, faster, cleaner, and make somebody else's dinner for them. And yes, I see the joke. I'd be cooking cheesesteaks all summer that I can't even eat, and I don't even necessarily agree with people eating them.
No more bunless burgers
Coming back also meant being honest about how I was eating now. I'd hit most of my health goals, so I made a call: I'm no longer going to be strictly keto in social situations. I'm going to be keto around them (live ISEN0955 [27:55]).
What that meant for me:
- If I knew a night out was coming, I might fast leading up to it, or make it a low-calorie day if I knew carbs were coming, so I could get back into ketosis fairly comfortably.
- The era of me asking for a bunless burger was over.
- But I also wasn't going to house a whole side of fries. A few fries. Five or ten, maybe. The baskets of rolls and big sandwiches on bread weren't making me feel how I wanted to feel, and they weren't bringing that much flavor to the party.
- At a friend's barbecue I'd eat what I wanted, and get back on the horse tomorrow.
I called that keto confidence. It comes after you've made progress and you know what works for you and what doesn't (live ISEN0955 [29:06]). And that broadcast itself was me taking my own advice. I tell people: don't wait to have your meal planning perfect, don't worry about a zero-carb day. Just eat one keto meal and get the momentum rolling. I didn't have an outline. I just needed to get back on (live ISEN0955 [43:25]).
What I'd tell you now
"Keto around social events, not at them" was a rule for a guy who was already at goal weight and could go in and out of ketosis without much trouble. If you're in month one, keep it simpler than that. The habits that keep weight off and what happens if you cheat cover the middle ground, and keto as a way of eating covers why I stopped treating it like a test. Fasting before a party to "make room" is a pattern to talk over with your doctor or therapist first if you have any history of disordered eating (eating-disorder history). And the bigger thing: if you're having a dark season of your own, your diet can wait. Talk to a professional, or a crisis line where you live, and lean on the people who keep checking in. How the weight came back after I hit goal is in 188, and back to 200.
Earlier: 188, and back to 200 · Later: Five people, pay what you think