188, and Back to 200
June 2018 — about a year in, and 50 pounds down
I opened that broadcast by saying I'm KetoDick, or at least I used to be, or I am, or maybe, I don't know (live ISEN0955 [0:00]). That was the honest answer that day.
I made it
My goal was 190. I hit 188. That's about 50 pounds down in under a year (live ISEN0955 [22:34], [24:11]). I'd started keto to deal with some insulin dysfunction, then I'd added a fight weight on top of that, and suddenly I was there. Fight weight. Goal weight.
And I'll say this first, because I've made the mistake before: when you accomplish something, celebrate it. A lot of us get stuck in a loop where you hit a goal, immediately set a bigger one, and never once feel like you made it (live ISEN0955 [4:24]).
Then I celebrated. A lot.
I brought carbs back. Drinking. Going out with friends. Also a little bit of depression and sitting in a hole on the couch. It was all in there. And I went back up to 200. By the day of that broadcast I was in the mid-190s (live ISEN0955 [22:50]).
Part of how it happened was practical. I still had a bunch of carb food in the house. None of it had expired, and I'm against wasting food. So I figured: I'm at goal, I'll reintroduce some carbs and see whether that works for me (live ISEN0955 [11:12]).
Here's what I found out. I didn't go back to wholesome carbs. I wasn't over here craving a sweet potato and a carrot. I mostly ate garbage, or I added carby stuff back into meals where it didn't add much to the meal anyway (live ISEN0955 [5:30]). I'd have a serving of pasta and ask myself: is there anything in here I need? Is this so delicious it's worth it? Same with putting meat back in a tortilla. And the answer was mostly no (live ISEN0955 [14:31]).
There were some excellent tacos. I don't regret those flour tortillas much at all. But I also ate some straight-up bad pizza that just made me feel terrible. I ordered a pizza, had cold pizza sitting in the fridge, and I'd go eat it because it was easy, not because I wanted it (live ISEN0955 [25:34], [26:17]).
What I missed
This is the part that surprised me. People talk about the energy and the better sleep on keto. Going in, I felt some of that. Coming out? God, I missed it. I started taking naps. I felt sluggish. I got less done in the middle of the day. I had sleep disruptions and the occasional night sweat. I said something like: Jesus, man, I didn't realize how much happier and more stable and comfortable I was on keto (live ISEN0955 [14:47]).
So I made the big commitment and gave my carbs away. I had ten boxes of pasta, eight servings each. That's 80 servings. If I ate them alone, that's pasta once a day for about two and a third months just to get rid of it. I can't do that. So I had over a friend who's very skinny and carb-tolerant and gave her the pasta. I kept one box, plus some instant rice and noodles, for when a non-keto friend wants to eat at my place (live ISEN0955 [15:28]).
Why I'm still KetoDick
I had to ask myself a real question. Am I KetoDick because I told a bunch of people on the internet I was KetoDick? Because carbs are somehow evil and spiritually don't align with me? Certainly not. I'm not a keto evangelist. Carbs aren't the devil. They can be delicious. And if you're a sprinter, I'd tell you to have carbs on board at competition (live ISEN0955 [3:49]).
The answer I came to: I'm KetoDick because I sleep better and I have better energy during the day (live ISEN0955 [33:05]).
I'd been reading The Art of Happiness, a Western psychologist's attempt to turn Eastern philosophy into a method for how people get happy. The idea that hit me was cultivating happiness rather than just trying to get rid of everything that makes you unhappy. So the question about food became: is this decision about pleasure or about happiness? With me and the pizza, the pleasure wasn't even there like I thought it would be. And the happiness definitely wasn't (live ISEN0955 [30:36], [31:24]).
New goals, not a smaller number
I didn't want to chase 175 or 180. I'm six foot and I like being a broad-shouldered, bigger guy. I'd just look skinny and drawn out. So I switched to body composition: my body fat was hovering around 17–18%, and for a fight I thought 12–14% made more sense, while keeping the lean mass I had (live ISEN0955 [21:03]). I'd been given a Bluetooth scale that estimates body fat with electrical impedance, so I could at least track something smarter than weight (live ISEN0955 [27:23]). My plan was to lose the fat first and then build muscle back with lifting, because losing fat and building muscle at the exact same time is a hard trick (live ISEN0955 [22:17]).
One more thing I said on that broadcast: I could eat a lunch of pierogies without it wrecking anything. That doesn't mean you can. If you've had binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, or problems with food and impulse control, I wouldn't recommend playing with fire (live ISEN0955 [24:26]).
What I'd tell you now
Hitting goal and then drifting back up 12 pounds didn't mean keto failed. It was a reintroduction experiment that taught me something, and celebrating is fine. What I'd add is a plan before you hit goal, so the celebration doesn't run a whole season (moving from weight loss to maintenance, will I gain it back?, what happens if you cheat). On "lose fat first, then build": the literature is a bit more hopeful than I was. In one 4-week study, young men in a roughly 40% calorie deficit with hard training on 2.4 g/kg/day of protein gained lean mass and lost more fat than men on 1.2 g/kg/day (doi.org/10.3945/ajcn.115.119339). Across 24 trials, higher-protein diets during calorie restriction lost less fat-free mass (doi.org/10.3945/ajcn.112.044321). Those were mostly men and short studies. See body recomposition. And if "testing whether I can handle carbs" sounds risky for you, read keto and eating-disorder history and talk to your care team first. Same night sweats as back in the pierogies winter, by the way.
Earlier: From twenty grams to fifty · Later: A dark spring and a cheesesteak grill