The Oreo Never Feels Like a Win
February 2020 — week eight of the reboot
Clearing the shelves
In February I was cleaning out my life. Kitchen cabinets first. I threw out food I'd bought for friends and visitors that I was never going to eat, like a fruit cup in sugar syrup that was never going to fit my carb budget. Then the bookshelves (live HCIB5705).
Everybody tells you decluttering feels great. The tidying-up books, the minimalists, all of it. And the shelves did look good afterward. But to get there I had to clear off whole shelves of books I'd paid full price for, meaning to read them, and ten years later I hadn't. The woodworking book, when I don't even know where the carving tools are anymore. A book I'd gotten as a gift. A fire pit I'd used maybe seven times, rusted through, bought because I pictured my friends and me standing around it on cold nights. We don't. We stand around the grill (live HCIB5705).
So it wasn't triumph. It was digesting failure, one item at a time. Here's a thing I thought I'd do. A person I thought I'd be. I guess I'm not. I'd imagined I'd know how to play harmonica by 37 (live HCIB5705).
The Oreo
Then I tied it back to food, because weight loss works the same way. You're alone, you go to eat something, and you think, I can't eat this Oreo. You run through the reasons: carbs, insulin resistance, diabetes risk. But what you're really telling yourself is some version of "I made bad choices before, and now I'm painted into a corner" (live HCIB5705).
You can have Oreos, at the right time. Maybe not right now. But here's the honest part. Even after I put the Oreo down and walk back to my desk thinking "I made the right call," nine times out of ten I still want the Oreo. Angels don't sing. I don't get the little sound a video game makes when you beat a level. I sit down at my stupid laptop, Oreo-less, and I hate it (live HCIB5705).
Later on is different. Three months from now, down 20 pounds, somebody says my face looks thinner, and that feels great. But the Oreo is right there now, and "you look good" is down the road. Tomorrow morning at the earliest, more likely next week, maybe next month (live HCIB5705).
So what carries you isn't the feeling. It's telling yourself: I know this is the formula. I know if I do this here, I'll be there later. It's going to feel like you suck at this. It's going to feel like somebody else out there doesn't think about the Oreo. I can't promise you that person doesn't exist, but from everybody I've talked to and from my own life, everybody sits back down wanting the Oreo (live HCIB5705).
Week eight, no numbers
Two weeks later, on the week eight roundup, I told people to go back and look at my Christmas videos. You could see it in my face: I was slimmer, down several pounds (live CLVP3207). Two days after that I said it again: compare the New Year's reboot video to now, and yes, I'm looking slimmer (live GUQX2721).
What I wouldn't give was the number. People compare themselves to me, and that's a bad comparison. I'm tall, male, very active. I'd gone back to kickboxing. I'm strict about this, it wasn't my first time, I'd read the books and knew what foods worked for me, I lived alone, and coaching diets was part of my job. So I lose faster than most of you. Don't compare yourself to me. That's why I don't give you the numbers (live CLVP3207; live GUQX2721).
I did give the goals. Back under 200 pounds. Under 20% body fat, ideally closer to 15%. None of those had happened yet. I said I had months and months of eating disappointing food ahead of me, and that I was honestly disappointed in my food and kind of bored. I know how to cook, and I cook with variety, but no restrictions is always more fun than restrictions (live GUQX2721).
One small thing from that same video: I was taking psyllium husk capsules, which swell up in your stomach and help you feel fuller, and they help with digestion. Then I had to run, because people at boxing were waiting for me to come punch them (live GUQX2721).
What I'd tell you now
I'd keep every word about the Oreo. Skipping it isn't supposed to feel good. You're doing it for a result you can't see yet, so measure the result in ways you can see sooner: strings, photos, how your clothes fit (non-scale progress), and stop comparing to other people's numbers (comparing on social media). On the psyllium: a review of trials found that more viscous fibers reduced appetite in 59% of comparisons, against 14% for less viscous ones (Wanders et al., 2011). Psyllium is a gel-forming fiber, but that review covers fiber types in general, not psyllium alone. See fiber on keto. If "I can't have that" thinking starts running your whole day, or you've had an eating disorder, talk to your doctor or a therapist before you add more rules (eating-disorder history).
Watch the originals: the decluttering and Oreo live, the week eight roundup, the psyllium and goals live.
Earlier: Reboot Me · Later: 246 to 225