Still a Big Guy in My Head
January 2019 — about nineteen months in, rebooting after the holidays
By the second week of January I was redoing intro. Not officially, but close enough. I'd eaten so many carbs over the holiday break that I was basically back at the start, pushing through cravings, and I'd just gotten back to boxing that week. I said so at the end of a pork chop meal-prep video, and I said I hoped a lot of the group were doing reboots too (video hHFu6L-yedE).
So that week I talked a lot about maintenance, and in the middle of it I said out loud what I think my real problem is.
I love food
Somebody in a Q&A asked about motivation, and I answered for myself. The motivation I struggle with is that I love food. It's one of my favourite things. It's a vice for me. My hunger doesn't get away from me; sometimes I just want to gluttonously overeat. Order a whole pile of Chinese food. It's not the kind of eating some people do when something emotional is going on in their life. It's deliberate. The overeating is the activity (live LMPM3790).
In the same Q&A I said I eat a lot of sandwiches, so not having them in my life was a major transition for me (live LMPM3790).
Three celebrations a year
Since I know that about myself, I'd built a rule around it. I don't diet on Thanksgiving. I don't diet on Christmas. I didn't diet at my sister's wedding. And it isn't "one meal." It's four or five days around each one, eating candy and singing songs and having ice cream with my family, because I'd rather do that than worry about the scale. Add those up and it's fifteen days or more of real celebratory eating, with carbs and drinks, every year (live OBND7135).
Then I lose it again. And I said this matters: if you gain five pounds at a wedding you chose to eat at, and then you lose those five pounds, every one of them counts. People will say losing it a second time doesn't count. It does. Every time you get control of the situation, especially after a decision rather than a mistake, you're a step closer (live OBND7135).
The big guy
Then a member asked about maintenance and I gave the answer I actually believe. Remember where you started, and work on your self-image, because that's the biggest challenge in maintenance (live LMPM3790).
For me it's this. Even back when I didn't like being heavy, there were women I was with who said they liked how big I was. They felt enveloped, or safe, because I was a big guy, and that was part of what they liked about me. Now I'm at a healthier weight and I'm less of a big guy, and that leftover self-image is something I have to fight. More than anything (live LMPM3790).
That same week, in the middle of tearing apart a magazine article on keto, I said it more bluntly. I think keeping weight off has more to do with self-identity than with how you eat. Some people have put a picture of themselves as a heavy person on themselves. And I do it to myself (video 1JbK1_ClDmY).
That's the honest version. I know how to lose weight. I'd lost more than 40 pounds the year before (live IEGQ4170). What pulls me back up isn't a mystery about carbs. It's a guy in my head who still thinks he's the big one in the room.
What I'd tell you now
I'd still plan the celebrations instead of pretending they won't happen, and I'd still count the pounds you re-lose. I'd be more careful about one thing. I drew a line between my deliberate overeating and emotional binge eating, and I was talking about me, not diagnosing anybody. If you recognise yourself in the binge side of that, or you've ever had an eating disorder, a restrictive diet is something to plan with a doctor, not a guy on Facebook (keto and eating-disorder history). And the self-identity idea is my opinion from 2019, not a study; the evidence pages here don't cover why weight comes back, so take it as one guy's experience. The guide's practical side is in Habits That Keep the Weight Off and Will I Gain the Weight Back After Keto?. The lives are here: the Q&A, the maintenance live, the pork chop meal prep and the Men's Health rebuttal.
Earlier: Putting Down a 40-Pound Bag of Rocks · Later: Chubby Cheeks Over the Winter